Two Sundays ago, my pastor began a sermon series entitled, "The Road to Calvary." The first subject he addressed was Sacrifice; sacrificing our will for God's. At least that was the message I heard. My pastor has preached many great sermons that have given me hope, comfort, or a call to repentance. They've all had significant value in my life. However, this has been the most significant sermon in my life thus far.
The night before this sermon, I had just arrived home from a mission trip to Siguatapeque, Honduras with 15 other people (including my entire family). It was my second time working with Rhonda Jackson at Destino Del Reino (www.destinodelreino.org). The trip was flat out amazing and flew by way too quickly. This trip to Destino consisted of a week of substitute teaching English for 1st, 3rd, and 4th grade. When I first learned about this opportunity to teach, I did this thing where I kind of jump around my house and let out extremely girly squeals and freak my dogs out. I hope no one ever has the chance to video tape it. Because it's scary. Okay, moving away from all things white girl and moving back to serious matters. Not only was this an opportunity to teach, it was an opportunity to teach in the kind of atmosphere I had always dreamed about. Currently, I'm doing online classes to earn my BA in English so I can teach the English language. However, there was always something in me that wondered if I was going to hate teaching once I experienced it. Turned out, all my worries were for nothing (big surprise) and I thoroughly enjoyed teaching and discovered I was definitely in my element. Lesson learned, God is giving me the desires of my heart even when I don't know what those desires are at first.
On one of the many bus rides on our trip, God and I were having a conversation. It was one of those conversations where I was telling God why I wasn't going to teach at Destino. I could almost see a playful smirk peaking through the clouds. Anytime I feel like amusing God (and myself) I tell Him my thoughts. Once I finished presenting my case entitled, "Why I am not going to teach full time at Destino" God asked me, "Why not? Why not teach at Destino?" I gave God my best cringe face and said, "Well if you want me here, then I have no reason not to come." At that moment, all of the reasons and excuses I had piled up, pretty much dissipated. When He asked me, "Why not?" all my, "Why not's" turned into, "uh's."
With that conversation in mind, let's fast forward to the following Sunday. I woke up late for church, which was the second time the time change had messed me up. In my hurried state, I managed to lift up a pleading praying, "Please God, if I'm supposed to go to Destino, make it loud and clear. And if you don't mind, make it loud and clear...today...in church...or whenever you see fit...but preferably today." Did I ever mention I'm sort of impatient? I was choking back tears the entire sermon. I'm not sure if God's message could have been any louder or clearer. During the invitation my best friend grabbed me and began praying for me. I was able to squeak out, between tears, snot, and dripping mascara, "Gosh darnit, I'm supposed to go to Honduras." Her and I both began laughing at my exuberance to God's latest calling on my life.
Since that conversation on the bus in Siguatapeque, God has given me so much confirmation on this call.
Before I even decided, or even told people I had decided to go to Honduras, a few people have come up and told me they'd like to help out financially. My school schedule has lined up perfectly so I'll finish by July. I have my family and close friends behind me and praying for me. And I have a great God who is always by my side!
If God changes my plans somehow, this will all change. If not, I will be hoping on a plane headed to Honduras. Presently, this reality isn't quite a reality in my brain. Being a missionary to a foreign country has always been something I've dreamed about and worked towards since I was about seven years old. Being a missionary to Honduras is something I've prayed about for the past few years. The fact that these dreams are being fulfilled and these prayers are being answered, is absolutely unrealistic in my finite way of thinking.
I want to close with this verse because I think it aptly portrays my heart's thoughts at this moment.
Isaiah 55:8- "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."
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