Hasta Luega

As I say my "goodbyes" I'm doing my best to avoid the phrase, "Good-bye."  I've been getting pretty handy with the phrase, "See ya later!"

I'll be honest, what I've been dreading the most about this trip is the goodbyes.  And my brain won't give me a break but keeps imagining every depressing goodbye scene.  Quite frankly, they belong in a Hallmark movie (Not that I know anything about those...*cough cough*).

But there is joy in these goodbye's.  When a goodbye is said, it is likely a "Hello" will follow. I am saying goodbye to my comfortable, American, life which includes:
1. My Bed
2. My dogs
3. My own car
4. My house of nine years
5. My closest and dearest friends
6. And my incredible family

However, as I say these goodbyes, I'm saying "Hello" to a vast array of new and exciting things such as:
1. New women who I know I will grow closer to each day
2. A new home and new bed to call my home for a little while
3. Crazy bus rides and wonderful walks
4. And most importantly, I will say "Hello" to the next step God has for me. And this is the most exciting of all.

P.S.- Reyna is back in town! God blessed me with a few moments with her before we go our separate ways again! God did some AMAZING things in her life while she was in Uganda.

Reflections

I love journaling. However, I'm pretty sporadic at times. I'll go for weeks of daily journaling, and then not write a thing down for three months. In light of all that's happening in my life, this has been changing.  I've visited my journal much more than I have in the history of forever.

I believe there are two parts of journaling. The first is the part we all know about: writing.  The other part I feel has equal importance is reading what you journaled.  Yes, it is a VERY painful experience at times. Especially when you read journal entries made at an ungodly hour of 2 or 3 in the morning in the height of emotion and you sound just, stupid.  Thoughts that have gone through my head as I reread journal entries is, "Wow. I really actually liked this guy???" or "Since when did I not know the difference between wine and whine?" or "Did this make sense at the time?"

Despite the cringes, I do stumble across something beautiful every once in a while.

October 3, 2011 I wrote this in regards to Honduras.
God, I don't know what you're doing, but I have unrest.  Am I to stay content where I am? Or seek after a plan completely different? Do I go to Honduras or stay? God please show me what you want. I want to trust you with all my heart. I don't want to follow my thoughts, I want to follow your will. You know me, you know I'll probably fight the whole way. remind me to pray for Your peace when I have followed your will. 
To think that almost two years later, God has given me an answer. That I am supposed to follow a plan completely different and go to Honduras. And yes, I have fought quite a bit, but God has given me every ounce of peace needed.

Packing....

I remember those days when I would pack for a weekend excursion....a week early.
Or when I would go to camp for a week...and be packed by the beginning of the month.
The last weekend trip I went on I packed about 6 hours before we left.
Over the years there has been a change in my excitement levels on the task of packing.

Packing for Honduras is no different! My mom is going to help me start packing tomorrow which is fantastic. I'm fairly positive I would curl up in fetal position and sob if I had to do it on my own.  It's not that I don't want to pack, it's just that I hate to pack. The stress of leaving something behind or forgetting something kills me!

As I'm typing this blog of a venting nature, God quietly speaks to me and says, "I have everything covered.  Including your packing."

He helped me finish my school (as of last night I earned my last college credit!) I'm sure He'll help me with my packing.
He helped me collect the funds I need for this trip, I'm sure He'll help me with my packing.
He helped me reach a place where I am emotionally ready for this trip, I'm sure He'll help me with my packing.
He provided me with some AWESOME co-teachers, I'm sure He'll help me with my packing.
He provided me with a free box of supplemental curriculum,  I'm sure He'll help me with my packing.
He has blessed me with a wonderful church who has committed to pray for me as I discover the next step of God's plan for me, I KNOW He'll help me with my packing.

Tests, Cats, and Colton Dixon

There are days...when Satan...really tries to get you down. 

As my departure date approaches, Satan continues to try and beat me down.  He knows I'm going, and he knows I'm a very stubborn, determined person.  But I'm human and he also knows that I get tired quickly.  So he's trying to throw anything and everything in my path. 

The latest was the fact that I only needed to pass three more DSST exams.  Long story short, I only passed one out of the three I needed to pass. Which means I have to take 6 other courses I was hoping I wouldn't have to.  While this is downright depressing to me, my spirit is smirking at Satan because I have a Plan B. It's my goal to have all my credits taken care of and transferred for graduation by the time I leave.  Failing those two tests obviously set me back a bit, Christ has given me a resiliency.  While Satan tried to get me to concentrate on my failures, Christ dusted off my knees from the stumble and set my sights back on His incredible plan!

God often uses tools in my life to assist me on my walk with Christ. I wouldn't be where I was today if it weren't for the willing vessels of some amazing people in my life.  

Today, he used my wonderful parents to encourage me to figure out my next step for school.

He used Colton Dixon's vocal perfection and incredible lyrics on Air1 (which, to me, sounds like a broken record most of the time because of the amount of times they play a song).  However, he still uses that station to reach my life! My new favorite jam is Colton's "Never Gone" which had me tearing up in the car.  It was a sweet reminder from God saying, "Don't worry! I'm not leaving your side! I'll help you through whatever you have to do!"

And God also used a cat.  For those of you who know me you're thinking, "WHAT??? DID SHE SAY A CAT???" Yes. I said a cat.  

I'm not a cat fan. 

At all. 

I find them disgusting. 

And vile. 

And mean. 

And....catty? 

Anyway, here's a shameless selfie of TAMUCC's cat and I. 

Yes, I'm going crazy. Two things I despise: selfies and cats. 

But this one was so sweet and loving and helped me forget about failing my tests. 

To use a cliche, God works in mysterious ways!

~I'm not dying....

I've decided to be completely honest in this post.  

I've struggled with how much of me I want the world to see.  I'm fine with people seeing the materialistic side of God's work in my life.  I can talk about how God has provided for me monetarily and physically, how God gave me a box of free supplemental curriculum at the homeschool convention, how random people come up and give me money because they know I'm the girl who's moving to Honduras. 

But do I tell people what's going on inside of me? 

Here's me being honest. 

I'm terrified of moving. Why?

I'm leaving my comfort zone of twenty plus years. 

I'm moving to a country where I don't know the language. 

I'm leaving best friends behind. 

I'm leaving my dogs behind (I'm the crazy dog lady).  

I'm leaving my routine behind. 

I'm leaving my job behind. 

I'm leaving my bed behind. 

This whole time, especially as my departure date comes closer and closer, I've felt like a terminally ill patient saying her last goodbyes to my friends, family, and furry family. 

I had a wake up call today. 

I AM NOT DYING!!!!!

That thought was kind of a slap in the face. Like, "Heeeeellllllloooo miss Drama Queen??? Where did you get this idea of dying???" Granted, the title of this blog is To Calvary because it's a story of me, ultimately surrendering my life to Christ.  To spiritually die.  And I believe I've focused WAY too much on the dying part. 

I forgot the living part. 

The part where I am going to experience a deeper view of God than I could have ever imagined. 

I'm going to LIVE!!!!!