~I'm not dying....

I've decided to be completely honest in this post.  

I've struggled with how much of me I want the world to see.  I'm fine with people seeing the materialistic side of God's work in my life.  I can talk about how God has provided for me monetarily and physically, how God gave me a box of free supplemental curriculum at the homeschool convention, how random people come up and give me money because they know I'm the girl who's moving to Honduras. 

But do I tell people what's going on inside of me? 

Here's me being honest. 

I'm terrified of moving. Why?

I'm leaving my comfort zone of twenty plus years. 

I'm moving to a country where I don't know the language. 

I'm leaving best friends behind. 

I'm leaving my dogs behind (I'm the crazy dog lady).  

I'm leaving my routine behind. 

I'm leaving my job behind. 

I'm leaving my bed behind. 

This whole time, especially as my departure date comes closer and closer, I've felt like a terminally ill patient saying her last goodbyes to my friends, family, and furry family. 

I had a wake up call today. 

I AM NOT DYING!!!!!

That thought was kind of a slap in the face. Like, "Heeeeellllllloooo miss Drama Queen??? Where did you get this idea of dying???" Granted, the title of this blog is To Calvary because it's a story of me, ultimately surrendering my life to Christ.  To spiritually die.  And I believe I've focused WAY too much on the dying part. 

I forgot the living part. 

The part where I am going to experience a deeper view of God than I could have ever imagined. 

I'm going to LIVE!!!!!